If I were Dictator, the wonderful things I’d do

“We won’t be here forever, and when we are gone we’ll be gone a long while.”

            —H.L. Mencken

            —Oasis, “Wonderwall”

Each of us fancies the paradise to be had if only we were put in charge as an absolute ruler. In some cases, I envision a far better world than the madness we currently face. In others, I see the horrific dystopias which would inevitably result.

But is there such a thing as a “benign” dictator who does good rather than evil, or would the tragic result be “absolute power corrupts absolutely,” as Lord John Acton warned? Lord Acton has certainly been proven correct far too many times.  

An absolute ruler is rare today. We are instead plagued by a junta of pipsqueak tyrants and a plethora of micromanagey know-it-alls who do tremendous harm and intend much more. These fools serve as our overlord by committee and insist they know far better than you do how you should live your life.

Believing we know better on behalf of everyone else “is a helluva drug” (as Rick James might say) and is a narcotic to which our betters are gleefully addicted. We suffer the daily impact of their smug condescension. These insufferable tyrants infantilize us (e.g., insist Blacks can’t figure out how to get voter I.D.), micromanage the hell out of us over trivialities (e.g., banning plastic straws), and work tirelessly to destroy us with far grander meddling (e.g., banning fossil fuels and nuclear power).   

Which leads me to ask on our behalf, “What if I were dictator?”

Your humble author wants to believe my reluctant dictatorship would be fair, practical, and honest. Harsh were necessary, and with clearly defined rights and responsibilities. Most importantly, a way toward a better future for everyone.

I would set a good example, which is critical in an age when hypocrisy is rampant and carries with it little or no shame. I would not live markedly better than the rest of us. I would not enrich myself. I would not erect edifices in my honor or require my ubiquitous portrait gaze upon my subjects. I would strive to be brave despite the terror of absolute rule, its crushing responsibility, and the imperative to plan for long-term prosperity at the expense of childish immediate indulgement.  

I would begin my rule aware of a mortal threat we face: There are many among us who wish to do us harm. They must be stopped before it’s too late—and it might already be too late.

Here are the wonderful things I would do…

1. Respect free speech.

This would be uncharacteristic of your stereotypical autocrat, but the respect for free speech is so degraded in our country that I must forcibly implement respect for it—yes, things are that bad. I don’t want to live in a world without it, a world of miserable sameness—and neither should you.

I would go beyond the right guaranteed by the First Amendment of the United States Constitution and instead embrace the concept articulated in the first two tenets of Article 19 in the United Nations Universal Declaration of Human Rights:

• Everyone shall have the right to hold opinions without interference.

• Everyone shall have the right to freedom of expression; this right shall include freedom to seek, receive, and impart information and ideas of all kinds, regardless of frontiers, either orally, in writing or in print, in the form of art, or through any other media of his choice.

My first speech to the people would be on this topic. I’d explain we find ourselves in a society where many among us, including those who once were reliable free speech advocates, now cherish censorship. Armed by technology undreamed of by past tyrants, these pipsqueak and not-so-pipsqueak madmen falsely believe silencing their enemies is the key to paradise. It most certainly isn’t.

Amazingly, those who’d squawk loudest about my dictatorship are the same ones who’ll condemn my allowing those they don’t like to speak freely. Imagine that: Imbeciles complaining about a precious right granted them by a dictator.

But what of the fools who pose a threat, whose ideas are harmful if implemented? Should they be silenced as a precaution?

No. Do not fall for the siren song of this temptation. Free speech is too valuable. Rights come with responsibilities, often terrible ones. The responsibility which comes with free speech is not decorum, but allowing those you loathe to espouse ideas you find reprehensible.

The implementation of noxious ideas is where the line is properly drawn. I’d let fools have their say, and this includes evil fools, but I’d also point out the folly of their notions and prevent the manifestation of these. Bottom line: Talk is okay. It’s the enactment of an idea (or attempt to do so) which may warrant a meaningful response—and this should always be the case, regardless of the means of rule.  

2. Ban no-cash retail.

In the interest of protecting privacy, retail businesses shall be prohibited from not accepting cash payments for goods or services. The right to privacy is a fundamental human right, but one which is held in low esteem by the masses. Why? The Internet Age and its vacuous social media sites have created a world of voyeurs, exhibitionists, and oversharers who are too willing to pooh-pooh the importance of privacy.

Those who wish to rule over us want digital currency and no cash transactions. This enables them to monitor our lives in excruciating detail and punish dissenters. Do not trade your freedom and privacy for a supposedly better shopping experience or a business’s purported safety or convenience. Hold dear the freedom to pay for retail goods and services by a means of your choosing.

3. Stop the madness of transgender ideology.

This ideology is espoused by a vile cult, which has caused tremendous harm to children and vulnerable adults. It has corrupted medicine, science, and our education system with its despicable madness. 

• Ban what is referred to as “gender-affirming” care for both children and adults. This Frankenstein evil must stop; otherwise, our society is not worth saving. “Gender-affirming” care is the Orwellian term for medically-facilitated self-harm, which includes mutilation, sterilization, and poisoning with powerful wrong-sex hormones. Regardless of the age of the victim, this is medically unnecessary and unethical.

• Allow therapists to help a gender-confused person accept his or her gender (i.e., prohibit bans on such therapy). Some states ban proper mental health counseling and call it “conversion” therapy. The goal of ethical therapy is to get to the root of the problem and help the person accept reality, i.e., he or she can’t “change” sex/gender. (Note: I use sex and gender interchangeably, as do sane people.)

• Ban males from female sports and spaces. Good men stay out of female sports and spaces. Nowadays, there are evildoers among us who aggressively allow the bads ones in and viciously attack (sometimes physically) women who object. Allowing males to compete in female sports is unfair. Putting men, many of whom are sex offenders, in women’s prisons is an immoral violation of basic human decency.

• Ensure prisons provide protective custody for vulnerable inmates. Regardless of the prisoner’s gender (male or female) or the facility in which the person is incarcerated, vulnerable prisoners must be protected from physical harm, whatever the reason for the vulnerability.

• Prohibit perjurious documents listing an incorrect gender. Birth certificates and passports are examples of important legal documents which are corrupted at the behest of the trans-cult. No matter your outward appearance or insistence on being other than your actual sex, these documents must be truthful. It is unethical for the government to actively participate in a person’s delusion or be complicit in perjury. For example, Dylan Mulvaney’s passport and other documents must indicate what he is and always shall be: male.

Additionally, documents requiring a photo (e.g., driver’s license) must be accurate—no covering of face or head, as has been allowed for female Muslims. If your religious orthodoxy prohibits revealing your face, and you intend to faithfully adhere to this tenet, then you shall live with the consequences of not being issued important documents.

• Prohibit mandatory or otherwise coerced pronoun declarations at work, school, or elsewhere. These silly pronoun declarations are the “Heil Hitler” of the trans-cult and its enablers. If a person wants to be a dumbass and declare his or her pronouns, I won’t prohibit it (though I’m sorely tempted to do so). Other people are not required to indulge this grammatical asshattery.

• Ban punishment for accurate gendering. What is mischaracterized by the trans-cult as “misgendering” and which they want criminalized is referring to someone with accurate pronouns. A gender-confused (or gender-contrived) male is properly referred to using male pronouns, a gender-confused female using female ones. Those who insist others use plural pronouns (i.e., they, them) for an individual or made-up pronouns in regards to themselves (e.g., ze, zir) are rightly mocked—and there shall be no punishment for such well-deserved derision.

• Ban age-inappropriate materials in schools. Transgender ideology is the Trojan Horse used to bring age-inappropriate materials into the educational system. There are creepy adults who want children exposed to books, posters, flags, etc., related to sexuality and contrived gender-confusion. These materials, which are often pornographic, are intended as a means of indoctrination.

There are some topics related to human sexuality which are perhaps okay to include as part of a “clinical” non-pornographic presentation in an upper-level high school health class. Bottom line: The ABCs should not include anal sex, bondage, and (glorification of) castration.

• Ban female genital mutilation (FGM).

The trans-cult has obfuscated the banning of this horrific cultural practice. Anyone performing or enabling FGM shall be jailed for life.

4. Revamp the tax code.

The sole purpose of tax code must be to collect revenue to pay for government expenses. It must not be misused as a tool to encourage or discourage behavior. It must not be used to reward the Donor Class.

At present, we are woefully far-off from this goal. Our tax code is a mess and must be greatly simplified. It is intended to bribe, cajole, and unfairly reward. Its complexity is meant to hide fiscal shenanigans and distract us from the fact we spend far more than our revenue allows, rather than collect sufficient money to pay for government expenditures.

• Eliminate all tax deductions and retain progressive income tax rates. And I mean all deductions. Adjust tax rates to balance the budget over a designated period not to exceed ten years. In the interim, publish yearly what tax rates are needed to immediately balance the government’s budget. This information would allow people to see a possible future if we don’t start living within our means and insisting our elected leaders make adult spending decisions.

• All income and realized wealth gain taxed at the same rate and no tax-exempt income or wealth gain (e.g., wages, interest, dividends, municipal bonds, capital gains). Higher earnings potential on investments should be based on risk, not the tax advantages.

• Eliminate tax benefits for carried interest, stock options, and other deferred compensation. All income is taxed at the time of its earning. Whatever you earn when you earn it, you pay taxes on it at the time you earn it.

• Eliminate “top hat” plans and anything else intended to unfairly benefit the wealthy. The people who benefit from these legalized schemes earn far more money than the average worker. They should be able to comfortably save money without a reliance on fiscal shenanigans.

5. Get our financial house in order.

Our elected morons demonstrate a catastrophic lack of seriousness regarding fiscal matters. The Republicans offer the pretense of fiscal responsibility, but they are little better than the Democrats in marching us merrily down the road to financial ruin.

I shall explain to the country that we must end the government’s fiscal asshattery. We are in debt tens of trillions of dollars, including unfunded liabilities for Social Security and Medicare, and we are continuously adding to this debt. We must operate under a balanced budget and accept the limitations of this. A balanced budget requires the adult decision making necessary to weigh priorities and then make difficult choices.  

• Maintain a robust Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE). Operating without waste, corruption, and inefficiency is critical if we are to get the most out of our expenditures. Wanting an efficient government is a non-partisan issue. That the current DOGE regularly uncovers shocking evidence of waste and fraud, and these discoveries are shrilly attacked by a large segment of the citizenry and their elected officials, shows that our current “democratic” system of governance is doomed. Hence, the necessity of my dictatorship.

• No new spending programs. Budget is frozen. I loathe incrementalism and would love to immediately balance the budget. But that would be like tossing a raging heroin addict into a Turkish prison and result in catastrophic cold turkey. The first step in cleaning up this mess is to freeze spending at the current level. Prioritization within this budget limit shall be required.

• Ban bids on the Olympic Games. These are often financially ruinous for the cities duped into hosting these games. The International Olympic Committee (IOC) should designate a permanent site for each of the summer and winter games. IOC members can contribute for the upkeep of these facilities.

• Eliminate government-backed mortgages. Whether backed directly or implicitly. This is another expense we cannot afford—and never could. The government must remain neutral on whether a person rents or owns a home. It is not the government’s responsibility to help someone purchase a home.

• Balance the budget within ten years. Make it crystal clear this is the required goal. Eliminate spending for nonessential programs. Cut spending for essential programs. Bottom line: There is stuff the people currently get that they won’t get in the future. Stuff they want. Stuff they need. Stuff they never truly needed, at all. Stuff they never could afford.

• Adults who work full-time must be able to afford housing, healthcare, food, transportation, etc. This must be a fundamental economic policy, one aspect of which is recognizing that increasing home prices is mischaracterized as “appreciation” rather than what it actually is: inflation. The fewer people requiring government or private assistance, the better off a society and its government.

• No automatic COLAs for Social Security. This is a cost increase and must be reviewed as part of the annual budget. Congress abrogated their fiduciary responsibility by establishing a fiscal autopilot for these COLAs. 

• Special assessments for disaster relief. If the people desire a collective effort to aid their fellow citizens who suffer a calamity, then a special assessment shall be levied on each of us to pay for it in the here-and-now.

• Implement a debt-to-revenue standard. The longstanding practice for assessing a government’s ability to repay its debt is the debt-to-GDP standard, as if a government somehow had ready access to the nation’s entire output of goods and services to pay its debt. This is a comically ridiculous standard. The true ability of a government’s ability to pay its debt is what it owes in relation to its actual revenue. The result of this should frighten you.

• Strive for zero inflation. Restrict the Federal Reserve’s mandate to controlling inflation. Allow deflation if it is the result of increases in productivity or technological advancement. Allow increased wages if it’s the result of increased real wealth.

• Ban public funds and special tax privileges for professional sports stadiums and arenas. Such projects must also pay the same development and building fees as any other project (e.g., sewer, water, street improvements). We can’t afford to indulge billionaires by paying for their toys—and never could. The alleged economic benefits of professional sports is a cruel illusion. If your sports team threatens to leave unless it gets its corporate welfare, you’re far better off without these parasites.  

6. Reign in the power of the Military-Industrial Complex (MIC).

President Eisenhower warned us in 1961 about this powerful influence. He’s been universally ignored all these decades. The MIC and the Deep State gin up foreign enemies to keep us fearful. This is how they get us to spend enormous amounts of money on the military and justify an intrusive surveillance state.

We are in zero danger of being invaded. We have the potential for long-term energy self-sufficiency, so we have no reason for monkeying about in the Middle East. We have no right to engage in foreign regime change efforts. Our military spending can be greatly reduced without impacting our national security.

• Close most of our overseas military installations. A map showing the location of these sites reveals the insanity of our military spending and how our nation is a militaristic busybody provoking conflict and sowing chaos throughout the world. 

• Reduce the number of aircraft carrier battle groups to what we can afford. It is certainly not the current legally mandated number of eleven.

• Reduce the military budget. Ultimately, the military budget must be part of an overall balanced budget. We cannot afford the current level of military spending, which is vastly disproportionate to any realistic threats we face.

• Rename the Department of Defense to the Department of War. I abhor linguistic contrivances. The purpose of the military is to destroy our enemies in time of war. War is a terrible business, and we must never forget this nor hide behind deliberately deceptive euphemisms.

• Those who facilitate war must lead by example. When war is necessary, the adult-age children of both elected officials and executives of military contractors shall serve on the front lines. If they are unwilling to do this, it is proof the war isn’t worth fighting.

• Combat readiness is the only task of the military. Social engineering shall not be promoted in the military. DEI, drag shows, and other unnecessary faux-virtue distractions shall be banned.

• End forever wars. War must have an identifiable enemy and a clearly defined goal. If a military presence in a foreign land is somehow required for decades, this itself is proof the war has been lost.  

• Cease regime change efforts in foreign countries. It is the sole right and responsibility of a country’s own citizens to change a regime.  

• Maintain a large reserve force, with training for it starting in high school for all students. Our country is already uninvadable, and this would make it more so. This serves two purposes: making adults grow up by assuming an adult responsibility and uniting our people via a common purpose.

7. Clean-up the education system.

The education system at all levels is corrupted and undermined by fools of many types. This includes the athletic boosters, the “everyone should go to college” delusionists, and Woke social-engineering cultists. 

• Divest universities of their sports teams. These are a distraction from the goal of education. The concept of the “student-athlete” is largely farcical. The new era of NIL-money and the transfer portal reveal the collegiate athletic programs as having nothing to do with education. Billions of taxpayer dollars and student fees are wasted on providing a massive minor league system for the professional sports leagues. These leagues can fund their own minor league systems for football and basketball. For the Olympic sports, private donations must serve as the means of financial support. Insufficient support is an indication that sending a competitive team to the Olympics is not a high priority for our citizens, and it’s okay if this is the result.

• Eliminate excess university capacity and redirect resources to vocational training. We have too many universities, too many people enrolled who are intellectually or temperamentally unsuited, and award too many worthless degrees. One negative consequence of this is we delay people from growing up and becoming productive members of society—and often chain them to huge amounts of student debt.

Yes, there are esoteric areas of study with no discernable economic benefit, and these should continue, but in affordable numbers and for suitably qualified students.

• Eliminate the government-backed student loan program. This loan program has been a driver of tuition inflation and wasteful spending. For current debtors, allow the loans to be discharged in bankruptcy court.

• Have post-secondary public education include vocational training. Blue collar work is honorable and deserves our respect. After culling university students, excess space on university campuses can be diverted for vocational training. Having these students learn on the same campus as non-vocational studies would be a good thing.

• Physical fitness standards for students K through PhD. Poor lifestyle choices result in huge unnecessary healthcare costs. We must get much fitter and healthier as a society.

• Restore academic integrity. Woke ideological purity tests in academia shall be banned (e.g., anti-racism statements on applications for employment or grants, research discouraged if it might “offend”). Teaching positions, research grants, tenure, and the publishing of research papers shall be based solely on merit.

8. Eliminate DEI, reparations, and similar divisive programs in both the public and private sectors. Include bans on “identity”-based dorms and graduation ceremonies.

These are not well-meaning programs, and the people promoting these are not virtuous. Such programs are meant to keep us divided forever. We mustn’t let them. Bottom line: We are one or we are none.

9. Implement a single-payer healthcare system and require price transparency.

A significant percentage of the population is already provided government-funded healthcare: Medicare and Medicaid. Businesses would love to divest themselves of the hassle of administering their employee health plans even if it did not markedly reduce their cost. The healthcare industry fought mightily against previous efforts to require transparency regarding prices. Whenever an entity fights against transparency, this itself proves they’re up to no good.

10. Prohibit schools and employers from punishing a person for actions done on their own time and which is unrelated to either.

In the Internet Age, social media is weaponized to rain down upon people woefully disproportionate punishment without any due process. Firing from a job or expulsion from school are seen as justifiable punishment for actions done on a person’s own time. This should terrify you if you’ve a lick of sense, and many people don’t.

11. Designate social media sites as common carriers and which cannot decline service based on a person’s opinions.

These sites are weaponized as a means of censorship. This must stop. Also prohibit the government from colluding with Big Tech to censor or propagandize.

12. Eliminate all hate crime and hate speech statutes.

A person should be punished for the crime, not what is allegedly in his or her heart. Premeditation may be a factor in the definition of some crimes and a person’s words may serve as evidence of this, but enhanced punishment for the words themselves must not occur.

13. Mandatory firearms training for all high school students.

Whether or not they or their families own guns. Totalitarian governments want a disarmed populace. Not me.

14. Prohibit people sentenced to life without parole from having parole hearings.

That such hearings occur is an abomination and forces the victims’ families to repeatedly relive the nightmare.

15. Secure our borders.

No borders = no country. No Immigration laws = no borders. No enforcement of immigration laws = no borders. No borders = no country.

• Enforce immigration laws and prohibit cities and states from thwarting these efforts (e.g., void all sanctuary laws and policies). Only a petulant child doesn’t understand the need for immigration laws and the enforcement of these. Unfortunately, we have childish adults elected to positions of authority.  

• No more unrestricted birthright citizenship. While largely taken for granted by those born here, United States citizenship remains a thing of incalculable value and is desired by the many people who immigrate here. We must value and protect it. At least one parent must be a citizen or legal resident for the child to have birthright citizenship.

• English is the official language. Other languages can be used for situations where there are clear health or safety issues, but non-English speakers must be encouraged to learn English.

• Robust guestworker program where clearly needed. But we must first ask why there are no Americans willing or able to do the work and keep in mind that importing people to “do the jobs Americans won’t do” is not far afield from slavery. A guestworker program must not be a tool used by the oligarchs to depress wages or keep us divided.

• No government benefits for illegal immigrants. Other than emergency medical care.

16. Establish nationwide voter I.D. requirement and other security measures to ensure voting integrity.

Elections will still be necessary, and these elections must be fair and scrupulously honest. An important component of voting integrity is that non-citizens are banned from voting in any type of election (local, state, or federal).

17. Massively increase nuclear power generation and continue research in all forms of energy.

The goal is energy independence, reliability, affordability, and technological advancement. Covering the world with solar panels and windmills was never a realistic or environmentally friendly solution to our energy needs. Standardizing nuclear reactor construction would help lower the costs.

18. Reign in Wall Street.

Wall Street operates under a perverted system of privileged socialism. They are the ultimate “welfare queens” and a direct threat to free market capitalism. 

• No government backstop. Make it clear to Wall Street that it is not the role of government to prop up the stock markets. Stock prices must reflect the underlying value of a company and its future prospects.

• No government bailouts of Wall Street. Make it clear to Wall Street there will be no bailouts. If they get in trouble, the bankruptcy courts will deal with it, and the court shall nullify bonuses and stock options in these cases. Clawback of ill-gotten or inappropriate gains shall be required.

• Prohibit credit default swaps where the person does not have a direct insurable interest. The issuers of these shall be regulated as an insurance company.

• Special investment vehicles (SIVs) and other financial products must be vetted and approved prior to implementation. Unfettered financial asshattery must end.

• Prohibit adjustable-rate mortgages and require the proper vetting of loan recipients. The madness which led to the Great Recession cannot be allowed to repeat itself. 

19. Stop gain-of-function research.

There is credible evidence that the Covid virus arose in China from such research, and this was funded by the United States (other sources say North Carolina via the same irresponsible research). This was done despite an Obama Administration order which prohibited the United States from conducting such research. The Deep State defied him.

I recognize the inherent urge for scientists to ask themselves, “Gee, I wonder what would happen if…” But gain of function research is certain to unleash harmful diseases on an unsuspecting world. Anyone conducting or enabling such research shall be jailed.  

20. Crack down on idleness.

Able-body people of working age need to work. A huge percentage of the able-bodied working-age population does not work. This is unstainable and has been propped up by illegal immigration, borrowing, and the printing of money. A poorly run “safety net” also contributes to this problem. We must disincentivize idleness except in situations where it is clearly proven that the working-age person is physically or mentally incapable of performing any job.  

21. Implement a proper census.

Census shall count all people permanently residing in the United States, but congressional districts shall be apportioned based only on the number of citizens, not illegal or legal aliens.

22. Prohibit elected officials from enriching themselves while in office.

It should enrage the American people far more than it does that our elected officials exempt themselves from insider trading laws and somehow leave office worth far more than when they entered politics. In the interest of demonstrating self-sacrifice on behalf of the public good, the net worth of elected officials shall not increase while they hold office. They shall be prohibited from insider trading and any other act which is prohibited for the rest of us.  

23. Make land acknowledgment statements truly virtuous.

These faux-virtue statements are creepy at best. Require anyone making these to forfeit his or her property to the tribe(s) referenced in the acknowledgment. The tribe(s) receiving the property shall be required to prove they did not take the land from a previous tribe. And so on, until we get to the verifiably first tribe to live there. Imagine the jobs created for anthropologists and archeologists!

There is much more to do, but these are a start to my wonderful regime…